Tales of A Lost Soul

The learning never ends…
Light shines over darkness
In this holy lunar shine

Tis not notes that matter
Its the heart
Love…
Without it
Everything is meaningless
All your doing
Is meaningless

Tis a blessing
To obtain this special love
Much more holy
Than what normal mortals feel
It is special…words cannot decipher

It is hard to understand
Those words…
Those kalam
Of the loved ones
The mind cannot comprehend

We need guidance to understand those
Guidance by those who walk the same road
I hope I can…

Knowledge and wisdom….
Our efforts mean nothing
We must sink…deep…very deep
In to the abyss
Of the one
That controls fate and destiny
That will open the door…if we are allowed to do so…

Again…
Once in the dark
Trice in daylight
But somewhat isolated…

It was my fault…
I did what I knew I must not
And it led me there

There,
Due to boredome
I was slowly succumed
By my own darkness

Then,
I could not control myself
It was over

But…
A small glimmer appeared
My tears…are they not there?
To be shed by this soul?
For what this soul has done?

Why will it not fall?
I do not know,
For the answer lies within
Something even I cannot reach…

Though those doors are always open,
And physically
I tried to do what I must
But
I know that my heart
Was not doing
What it was and is supposed to do

The holy lunar nears…
Will I…be saved?

I think…
I might have found a reason
To do what I must do

Since others struggle…
What makes them so?
I, might found my reason…
To be the same

What has been done cannot be undone
The only thing I can do
Is atone and repent
Fight it
Sore dakeda

I guess…I must go aswell
Saa…
Bokuwa…Ikuyo.

Its been 6 days…
I may not remember much
But I will try…

<Kioku no Kakera…Ichi>
(Memory Shard One)
Yappari…
The outside is only the outside…
I was thunderstrucked
What was shown was true i guess…
Things are not what they seem…
Its my weakness I guess…
Those who unveil
Only once in a while
Even indirectly…
I cannot control my shadow if that happens

Ni,
Let the past go
Ill take whats important
Though I may overlook certain things…
I am just a normal human

San,
Today…
Was it fated?
I missed something, a lot even…
And something else came stumbling
The unexpected encounter
On the less traveled road
That should be traveled
By those who follow it

I found something…
That had been under my eyes…
I may understand a bit…
Of what was foretold not long ago…

The connector had problems
So it was hard for me to chronicle myself
But now its ok
So I can continue

While I daze…
Time goes on
Guess I have to make my move…
What was left…
I may recollect one day…
If I am allowed to do so…

Mata…ka?
This time it was 3.
I was not wise enough
The sheild backfired

I thought it could aid me
On my quest for focus
It did….but

I had to compensate
The sheild triggered my shadow
I was about to lose to it…

Then I turned around and looked…
Towards my grace
Still I looked at her with my shadow’s eyes

And there….
Three strikes of lost and sorrow
I had lost again…

What kind of servant am I to defy my Lord?
I kept repeating it…
I need help…to strenghten my heart…
It comes yet again…

Im losing my sanity
Though I know I must not
I…will…try….my…best…

Tis a sad thing
My Lord…please help me…
You are my only hope…
In anyway you can, please….
Forgive me….
And show me where to go…

Must I result in blood-lust?
Must I use force?
Must I kill?

Or…

Should I be like the leaves, the wind, the streams…
Following the flow,
Adjusting with its surroundings?

I need guidance…please…
Show me the way…

Yesterday’s wound still hurt

But it came so quickly…

I was happy

To attain something not everyone can obtain

Wisdom and Guidance

I felt my shadow slowly,

Returned into the abyss

I was guided by that holy light,

Bright and strong

It easily destroyed my shadow

Felt that hope was still there
I can proceed my battles

To win this war

To survive this prison

And then move a step further

Beyond what I do not know much about

I must stay cautious….

Where there is light,

Darkness lurks at every corner.

**********************************************************

Today,

I was torned

Light, or the unknown?

Somehow I was allowed to go

Into the unknown

I was not invited,

But I felt that I am a part of it,

Since I missed the light…

Might as well make myself usefull.

Around me were milk and coal…

I was….different.

I did not trusted

That which was glimpsed through my heart

Nevertheless, t
is a joyful thing

Wheather good or bad….

It is not for me to decide

This soul feels strange,

Guilt

Sorrow

Confusion

Pain

Tis a fool I am…

I still have much to learn,

Yoroshikutanomu.

And so…I lost
Two strikes…
Well its been awhile since I lost
Since that injury
I was forced to refrain
Even my shadow did

But today
Somehow…
The one that was always white
Turned black

A sign to me again?
Saa…ore wa nani mo wakattenaishi…
But somehow
I saw what i should not
I was curious
This soul was somehow
Persuaded by its own shadow
Indirectly

Those direct attacks were merely…
A divergence.
And I fell into the amai wana
Yes,
I prepared it for those occasions

When I need to forget…

But it arised to me….
Why do I need to forget?
Yappari…ore mo ningen na….
Ore mo….ano kimochi ga aru…
Atarimaeda…

It hurts…
But the weight was no more…
Yet another weight came…

I should have not picked the seed in the first place
Look at this mess…
My hands….tainted
Twice tonight

This soul….how many more must I commit?
These omoi…another weight came…
Orewa….yurusaretainda…
The sinner wishes to be forgiven…

Ore wa….mata…ka?
(Daijyoubudesu)
Sou?
(Mada…Kibou ga aru)
Hontouka!?
(Soudesuyo, dakara…tachinasai)
Hai.
(Tatakaenasai, watashi wa….matteimasu….)
Aa…ore wa, zettei makeneida!
(Soudesu. Anatawa, watashi no naito dakara)
Aa….I must not perish here
His holy blood runs within my weak body….
His light glimmers in my wavering soul….
At least,
I must not fail him….

I will keep on fighting….

And for what that has been done cannot be undone
I will have to suffer through the underworld
There…my atonement awaits…
I must repent and atone…
That is the only way for my journey…
Matteruze….ore wa…ikuyo.

I will not make you wait longer than you have to.

Ah, such a strong wind
Wild but gentle
My shadow….it has begun
I must prevail.

This morning…
The dead man’s visions
They were strange
I somehow knew why
Watch those things again
I must not

As easily and breezy as the wind…
I entered

For the first time…
It was white
Was it a premonition for what I had prayed for?
No….the reality clouds judgement
Another white was floating…
All the time, almost always….no?

So I cannot trust the real visions…
For they can happen coincidentally…
But coincidence…is it not fate
Destiny?
My knowledge is so little….
What more my wisdom?

But that one….the one that was almost always black
Turned white…almost pure white…
I was….stunned
Then shards of shadows took over…
I must control myself
I cannot hurt those innocent souls…
At least they are…
Purer than this lost soul
That is for sure

Now my sword is fixed…
I can go to the battlefield again,
What’s left now is to face my enemy
Nigeruna….Tatakae!
For I am her knight

I shall not let her down.

Me wo samasu…
Mou…owatta…jikan ga…
And so in haste
We went

Though with holy presence
I was hopeless
Kokoro…tarinai
It ended…with many disputes

Yet tomorrow still lies
Another one like today
Will they strike again?
Those imbeciles
They know not what lies before them
Yet they still
Obliged no respect

And now I must go..
But my heart wavers…
Will I survive tonight?
Shall my shadow take my soul?
Or shall it dissappear?

Saa….wakaranai…

A late riser I am…
Duty calls…
Off I went

There
I was blessed by the descendant
Tis a happy day
The day felt worthwhile
Though it just began

I survived last night
Yet it will come again
I must stay alert
My life depends on it

Those who look to their sides
And those below them
Might turn corrupted

Sa, ue wo mirou
To stay pure
Ue no hoshi wo mirou…STARGAZER