Tales of A Lost Soul

Yare yare…
Life is…complex
This shuffled song…
Its hard to let it go
Simple and clean

The daily things that keep us all busy
Are confusing me
My heart wavers
Flashbacks flew around
Is it just the gifted emotion?
Maybe…somethings are just that simple…
Though, am I worthy of it?

The future doesn’t scare me
I…just…long for it I guess
Though I know…tis a complex thing
Nothing’s like before
Regardless of warnings

Why am I feeling this?
This heavy heart…
Do I simply…negai?

Should I…ugoku?
Before its too late?
Ugh…its hurting…
Should this lost, retarded, sinful, idiotic and hallow soul be given the chance?
Heh…his barakah is absolete
Guess it won’t hurt to try
This pain is…shitsukoidayo

Gamble?Or maybe…slow and steady?
Or Eazy Breezy?
Ready, steady go?
Saa naa…
Well…just wait n see…I guess

Afterall…I am not sure of my own feelings?
Wether I’m just plain confused…
Or its just pure and true?

Guess I should ask the one who knows best…no?

I feel…lost…
What are my intentions?
What are my goals?
Ore no yaranakyanaranai koto wa nanda?
Nanda?

Twisted…my mind
My heart…yureru
So…what now?

Saa ne…
Many things that I should do…
But I procrastinate…

Ah…this song came so many times from the shuffled deck of songs…
Maybe there’s a devil
Something like it
Inside of me
Deep inside of me

Jealous angel deep inside me
Ur missing all the action underneath my table…
Im waiting for my turn…
Akuma…mazoku…youkai…
Deep within the depths of my heart…

A jealous angel? Heck are there any angels in me by any chance?
Devil…heh
Guess thats my main aim now…
The devil within…but not jealousy…
Or is it atually is jealousy all this while?

Guess I shouldn’t care bout anything else…
And focus on this…demon
The next utter randomness… An easy kaze
Just being easy breezy…relaxing…
Ignoring other things…focusing only on one goal?

The odour that should be sacred is foul now…
I washed my hands…barely
The stench is still there
The lost soul has lost a battle
Though I was recsued…but only for a moment…
I can go on and keep succumming to the Kage…
Ugh…how weak am i…

It is a sad thing…
How weak we humans are
How we cannot fight even ourselves
Heck tis the toughest opponent in the world!
We are…powerless…

How…heh…how many times has it been since…6 years ago?
The first year was still allright…
My knowledge pursuement was still sharp and good…
Alas…the second year…showed signs of remorse
It was the beginning of a disaster…

Third year…
Hmph…the dragon slept and withered…
The fourth year…it withered evenmore…
Blades and swords rusted with sins and shadows…
I was heading towards my own destruction…

The end of the fourth year…
A small light shone…
Which was the beginning of a resurruction
Still, wounds do not easily heal…
Broken arms are not easily reforged…

Slowly…the resurrection began…
With the aid of the divine Bidadari…
Yes, I soon awokend…a bit…
Then, true light came…though just a bit…
It was beginning…

The fifth year…
The resurrection was slow and unstable, unsteady…
In the middle of the year…
The truest shine and light came and shone…
My eyes were totaly wide…
I drew breath…barely….
Then my body started to regain strenght…bit by bit…

In the near end of the year…
The first obstacle, battle for the slightly resurrected came…
I barely passed…
Thank you
Thankyou
Thankyou
For the Barakah and blessings you bestowed upon me…

The sixthe year…
Nothing much…
Resurrection was slow…
The I merged into a nether realm…
That spun my head…my emotions and heart…
The injured shadow…kage gained support
Tis the beginning of a greater battle…

Harem…
The theme of this new battle…
How the weak dragon fought the strenghten kage…
Even with reinforcements of enormous light…
The dragon was still in the midst of confusion
To his new surroundings…
And to himself…

Now…right now…when I am writing this…monogatari…
Tis the final bits of the sixth year…
Countless battles have I lost…
The dragon, wounded…
I am truely weak…
Oh..My Lord…how shall I go through this battle and the battles ahead?
Please, I beg of you…only you and your beloved knows what lies in my heart…
Kanaetekudasai…
Please make them come true…
Realize my wishes…
Negai…for wisdom, strenght, love, faith, and perseverence…

Now…I am weak…
And the kage can strike at any moment from the shadows…
What am I to o?
Saa…wakaranai…
I can only pray…Inorimashou…and berselawat…

We are lost…
Searching for something not many actually know
What do we live for?
Even that…
Not many answered right…

What lies ahead?
We are lost…
We change…
Searching for the light
Sadness
Tears…
Someday…will turn to light

Cuz Im neva gonna stop streak my dream

I believe…everything and eachthing
Has a meaning
Goodbyes, sayonaras…

We keep on changing…
Dreams and hearts…
Just with these…its not enough…
We need guides on this journey
So we wont get lost

Saa…run!

We are lost…searching for something uncertain…
Saddness and sorrow…will
Someday turn to light…
If…only if…
You choose the right path.

Yare2…
My hands are trembling
My head wavers
My heart stumbles and shakes
My heart struggles to break the boundaries of good
Yet the holy chains entangle it
Still it struggled

More and more
The mere blossom bacame more than mediocre
Outer shells…
Though I say I shall not be blinded
I was still under the indirect spell
Which blinds me
Turns me berserk…

Yes, for an instant
I became a berserker
Struggling in the holy chains
I became to lose my sanity
I know not why

My heart now lightens not
It is getting heavier
The mass increases
Spiritually
Nazeda?
I….cannot forget…the mesmerizing and shocking shell…
Should I move…if I dare?

Im sleeping in sorrow
All alone in ice and snow
In my dream…
I struggle…
Chained…

How much longer will I stay sane?
I will just have to fight it…
Until either Hikari…or Kage…
Emerge Victorious…
Please…give me a little more courage…

My mind is empty
Listening to the sad melancholic melody
Of the memories of the body
That cannot be erased…
Sad…

Yet what I want to write is not that…
But something else…
I am still recollecting…
Guess it is not meant to be…
Well, in that case…
Something else…
Something different…

Heh,
The flowers are nice…
Yet am I strong enough to pluck and care for them?
Heh, the light came a bit in my mind…
But still vague…
Guess this sinful soul is not allowed to speak much…for now…
Yet my heart yearns to speak of it…

The poems…of faith for commoners…
Yes…that was it,
Through a dream…
57 verses all together…
I must memorise them someday…

It was only the prologue in that place…
Yet my evil eye and heart yearned to see…
What rarely appears in those holy sessions…
But the rare bloom was not there…
I should be thankful…
I know not what I would be doing now
If I saw it

Painful…
It hurts…
I do not know how long I will stay sane…
Maybe like last time…after I switch off this monitor
I will lose again…
Saa…
I know nothing…

This should have been talked a long time ago…
Recent?
The third blossom…from the usual four…
It was…strange…
Magic, hotel, spells, summoned beasts…
It ended
Before it resolved…

The previous?
Fist blossom…2 vagues…
Second blossom…once…vague
But the third…clear
Somehow…I dunno why…

And now?
Well my struggle continues…
Guess I should be balanced…
Zahir n batin…
For the better…

The imbalance emotions still sway me
When will my hunger stop?
Guess it never will…
I will just have to face it.
Faced it I did…for now…

Heh…
It was…after all an all out assault on me
And with a bit of "That"…I was shaking!
Still I had my senses…barely
Thank God I’m still sane…

But, I do not know what I’ll become…
After I switch off this monitor…
Will it be demonic? Or angelic?
Saa….
Ore wa…nani mo wakattenei…

Ah…
The blossoms are so nice,
I cannot even touch…
If I touch….
They will wither by my sinful hands…
And I also…
Become more demented…
Or will it be the other road around?
Heh…how can I know?
Is that enough a reason for me to go?
Well, it depends on me…and fate…

Has my tuffs of feathers grown?
Enough to fly to where not many know yet they should?
Maybe I need to collect my feathers first…
Scattered…unknown
My journey continues…untill its destined time…