Tales of A Lost Soul

Mata…ka
Kanashimi wo oshiete…
How many times have it been?
Why has my hunger not subsided?
The anguish…guilt…sorrow…

To do these things…
To betray my pledge of loyalty…
Ittai nanno SLAVE ore wa? I kept repeating… asthough…
It is my routine…
Perhaps…maybe…tabun…

This hunger…was not yet satisfied from the very beginning…
Yet my actions invoked it…
Making it barely controllable…

Saa…
What can actually satisfy this thirst?
This…madness?

Perhaps…I already knew the answer from the very beginning…
I am a coward…perhaps…if the answer to this …this war…is "that"
But…what candidate can actually take upon such a task?
One I can trust my life upon?
Who would symphatise with this…this soul that has nothing???
Despair I am…
Must I search myself?

If the answer to this puzzle is…."that"…
How must I grasp the answer? The correct answer?
Trial and error…yes we humans are acuztomed to that…
Though it wastes much time…shigataganei…
The true method… I know not how…

The true method….or the common method?
Mwahahahahahhahaaha!
I am talking as if the answer to all of this bickering IS "that"
Though I am actually unsure…if "that" is the answer…
What is "that" you ask? Heh…my "garden"…get it?

Ah…the answer might have already been given to me from the very beginning….
Its just that….I am blind…
My eyes…they cannot see….
My heart…darkness succumbs it…
How….how can I survive this journey?

Must I move now?
And if I do…is it the correct choice???
Arggggggh! I know nothing!

In my sinned state now…filled with guilt…
How can I differenciate what is right or wrong with my heart???
And it rises yet again? My shadow…

Ah…such a weak soul I am when I am alone…
Alone…in this journey…for not many knows…
Not many knows…what despair I am facing…

Arrrrggggghhhhhhhhh! In this current state….
I am sane no more….
I am rampaging more and more by the second…

Perhaps….I should wait…untill it ceases…
And then do what I must…
Ugh…can I endure?

Saa ne…

So…passed the 4 day trial did I?
Then I will try 5…
Ugh…this omoi again…

Should I release…or endure?

Do I long soo much to see my garden again?
Maybe… but I must endure
I must stay strong…

Just the early of today…ka
I’m feeling the results of my foolishness
Guess I’ll just accept it with a smile

To atone and repent…

Good things? Tonnes.
I just wish for forgiveness
I will do my part…and fight my shadow within…

Heck its been a while
Peace and war switched hand in hand
Many losses…yes

The new base has been forged
And the opening was good
Holy, twice

Two days after the rampage
Came another subtle rage
Man, how weak can I get?
How much more will I do?
How much…how much did these hands do?
Saa ne…
It is too much already to count…

Heh…what did I remember?
Still vague…I just remembered…
"Love as my basic"
The others…I’m not sure
Better not state if Its vague

Well, the war goes on
Life goes on
Tis a sad thing…
Some said "He" is dead…
Pity…for they do not know…

Ah…yes…
Tis a peaceful and holy time now….no?
Not that single day one!
10 days…
Even if my body is not there…
Please…at least…
Allow my soul to be there…with at least some faith left

Now…nijyuuichinichi…
Ato mikka ka...
Ore wa dekirunoka?
Disablers are all over
Can I survive?

Ugh…this omoi again…
This itami!
Shitsukoindayo!

Sigh…what more is there to be said?
Just stay sane
And do what I must…

Ah…my heart becomes unstable
Heavy and light kept on changing
Many elements mixed together…
Chaos
Confusion

There was frustration
Longing
Sadness
Anger
Confusion
Guilt
What was the start of all this?

Perhaps it is hard for me to obtain the answer
For who I am now
Who understands nothing

But now…I am at peace…
A bit..wavered
But I’m ok…for now…

Passed the 4 day trial…I did…
Yet another obstacle came one after another…
I was off guard…2 days and bye2
Once released it is hard to seal…
Ugh…how painful it was

Saa…now is…jyuukunichi…
Shall I go for 5 days?
Well…its going to be tough
Nijyuushinichi…
I must atleast hold on untill then…argh!

My heart already…felt the burden…
Alas put aside all this worldly burden for a moment
What have I done?
Sad…so sad…
I am not upholding what I should…
Tis a shame…
What should I do now?

Staying sane and under control is a hard task…
Especially for one such as I
I could go rampant everyday…

All I can do is pray for strenght…
Just give it my all…
Untill I have crossed that bridge…safely

My soul feels hallow…
With this song of sadness and the emotion of losing your soul…
Ah…how weak I am…
Alone…
How much more can I take?
Please…give me strenght…
For I have nothing…nothing at all…

That day…
Last day…
Mokuyoubi, jyuugonichi…

Heh…am I just still unstable?
A ryu still hungry after being fed all this time?
For 20 weeks…I’ve been fed…
The question is…is it my eyes that are being fed…
Or my stomach…or my heart?

The hunger has not subsided…
Perhaps my eyes are the ones being fed all this time
My heart and stomach stays wild and mad…

That day…
Should I say…"Tis a blessing…" again?
Saa ne…kamoshirenei

Should I conclude that yet another blossom has grewn in the garden?
This time…
The blossom that connects now and my yesterdays
Heck, such a strong connector this blossom is…
And also a string this blossom has…
With yet another blossom…
The sakurahana…

The blossom vanishes from sight…
And my heart grew heavy again…
Nazeda?
Is it my hunger?
Did my hunger got invoked by this one blossom?
Heh, chop! My hunger got invoked many times by other blossoms too…no?
Yes, other blossoms too struck this void soul…

After some rations and fights…
My hunger dissipated with fatigue…
Now…maybe I just need some more rations and fights…
Before I lose to my hunger…
And lose my sanity.

This new blossom you ask?
The seed existed long like the other blossoms too…
Like I said…a connector of past and present…
A strong scent…mild pink…
That is all I can say for now…

Saa…what is destined for me today?

Nanda…ano yumei?
Mezurashiina ore…
Forest…
Duty called…
The direct descendant…there?
I was beside him…
The bridge rocked…

Sleepy I was…
The we were at his residence…a tad bit different than usual
I was frustrated for my sleepyness…
There was a feast…a normal feast
Then we went back…
A bit sad…
Not to be abe to meet him

Nanka…hanshinsuruna
Omoshiroi…
I rarely put effort into my works
But this time…
Well once in a while is OK I guess

It is after all…
Close to me…
No?