Look at this mess
I deserve to go through this ordeal
Heck I should cut off my tongue
Sometimes…all the time
My emotions overflow my judgment
Look at this mess
If only I was silenced forever
Then it would not be like this
Then perhaps the door might have opened
Argh!!!What a fool I am!
My feelings clouded my judgement
Damn I’m such a fool
I should just shut up
What a bastard I am
Heck I should just be alone
Argh! Dammit now what!
Its all messy and cold!
Damn!
I wish those memories were erased
That would be better
Their memories, not mine dammit
Shut up thing!
Ack! I’m going nuts!
*****************************************************************************************
And this one is an entry of the past
Where my soul was nothing more
Than a mere speck of dust:
This is my fight
My Bell, it is not her fault
Not her fault my soul is dead
I may care for others too much
Too much for my own good.
This pain, is not as painful as before
Maybe because I was following half of my desires…
And restraining the other half
I fed myself with the past…past memoirs
It was quite entertaining, yet to be finished
I may hold until then…
But after that…only Allah knows
Tis a pain just to lay my eyes on the light
Ah, I wonder how long I can last
Its only been two days
I know now, likes and dislikes a bit
Though its a thing of a past
Heh, how long will I last I wonder…
I’ll just wait, and see if what I do has effects
I’ve already bothered Bell, My Bell like hell
I feel sorry for her
I must be such a nuisance
Ugh…I’m not talking abstract at all
I’m simply throwing buckets of emotions on these papers and ink.
Just two days
My soul is dead
It is my fight, I decided it.
I’m holding out well, this battle.
Wonder why I bothered.
I’ve got a Holy War to win.
Tch…taku…maybe I was shown this way…
Yes, maybe I was guided to this battle…
I’ll need patience and strength
Till I get the answer.
***
My spirit has lost all zest
My full potential…blocked.
I’ll just wait and see…
I might get the answer after I finished this word,
Or maybe tomorrow, the day after
Next week, month, or decade.
Perhaps centuries or millenniums
Only Allah Knows
My battle continues
Though, on a brighter note
My shadow gets weakened
Weakened by that light
Perhaps it is beneficial after all
I need not worry bout my shadow no more
Hmph…heh…a song flutters
"I close the old album"
And look at the big sky
With white wings
I’ve let loose with my sisters
The pain was not much though
Compared to what the light brought
***
Not here…its not here…
Then…what now?
I’m blind without it.
Sadness glooms over me
I need it badly
Where is…my light?
My heart became heavy
Ugh…I became dizzy
My void widens, soul dies
My heart tightens
Is it there? My hope? Dokoda!!!
*********************************************************************************************
And the past has been recorded…
Tis a sad thing my actions led to this
Now what?
Saa…I know nothing…
No wonder its been getting colder and colder…
My idiotic actions has turned my world into the abyss
Though with angelic embraces…
The me right now…
Feel’s…dead…yet again…
